Him...




It's like I'm invisible. I don't like it one bit.

I probably sound like a crazy stalker kind of girl that only talks about her crush but I'm not.

It's just that when I like o.so.e. it's way too much. It ends up grafting me.

It's like I see all of their flaws in them and still want to be with him. I see he hangs around with the wrong crowd but I still want to be around him because I know he's not like them.

He may dress like them but trust me I know he's not.


I can't take it.

When I say a like a person it's not because of their looks it's because I actually see the person inside of them and if I like it I like it.

I have run into so many complications with my love life because the people o fall for are always either taken or don't like me back. I know I'm waiting so you can save me the speech but she I fall for a person I fall hardly.

Like right now for example. I have liked this guy since I started my first semester school. I would make it seem like I didn't like him even though I should've never did that. Because it turns out that he would sit and look at me like when I didn't know.  I wish I would have known that sooner cause now I feel like I have no chance at all with them.

We're from two different universes his friends and I would never get along. I don't care about his friends because they're not the type of people I want to be around. But in a relationship your lover and your friends should get along. If they don't it's gonna end up ruining the relationship.


See the thing with me is: I don't talk to my guy crushes. I know sometimes a.guy likes it when the girl makes the first move but I've tried. I have tried so many freaking times of making the first move with a boy that I just gave up. I got tired of hearing the same thing over and over. It wasn't fair for me. So when someone tells me I should talk to my crush and I don't it's not because I'm too afraid. It's because I've heard it over and over and I know what's gonna be said. So why give my hopes up on something when I can keep it to myself and not be hurt.

I mean I'm going to be.hurt when I find out he has a girlfriend but she makes him happy and treats him well that's all that matters.

I'm not the type of person to sit and interfere with someone's relationship just because I don't like his girlfriend or I think my best friends have a boyfriend that's not right for them. I let them figure it for themselves.The least I can do is sit and give them advice. If they listen to it or not is totally up to them.

I can help everyone else but I can't help myself. It's something that's always been a problem with me. I put other's before I put myself if I can.

But anyways. It's now smear and I still like the guy that I liked since the first school semester. He makes me happy.

But something is bothering me.

I don't know if this is true but to me I feel as though he would and probably does let his friends influence him on the choices and actions he makes. It's not right of me to assume that when I barely know a single detail about him. But hey that's another reason I haven't told him.

If I was to tell him I liked him he would do nothing bit tell his friends and make fun of me. I see they way they have conversations about people they don't think fits in the "group or whatever. That's why I assume he lets his friends influence him.

I mean who has time for that in a relationship?

If you're gonna like me l;like me. Not just because your friends think I'm likeable or whatever. But like me because that is what you feel in your heart you should do.

This guy he's just.... I don't think he's ever going to understand how much he means to me. I have like a song dedicated to him. When it comes on I smile and think of him.

We're not together or anything which is quite creepy but it's like "why didn't I notice him before?"'

I know I'm not in love or that's what I keep telling myself because in my eyes he's worth it but at the same time he's not.

I am just gonna start writing about him on here. Because even though I haven't told him I liked him: I know it's always going to be bugging at me and I guess I can deal with that because I have dealt with worse.

If he only knew.....